Thursday, August 13, 2009

Our last IUI failed...

Our sixth and last IUI failed. I am surprised with how well I am dealing with it. I figured since it was our last I would be really upset if it didn't work, but suprisingly i'm doing okay. I don't know if it's completely set it yet, i'm not sure, but I found out Wed night that it didn't work. We are not going to do IVF, atleast not in the near future. I can't afford the 15 grand a cycle to do it and we are not in debt now and I don't want to start parenthood in debt either. I think we may save up and go the adoption route. It may take a few years to save up for it, but we may do that.

Right now (I hope this doesn't sound selfish) I am going to focus on me some. Being on these fertility med's has messed me up some. I have gained a lot of weight I need to lose at least 40 pounds. I have been off differin for this whole ttc process so I would like to start using that on my skin as well. I have a dermatologist appt on 9/3 to discuss some stuff with them and get me back on some things I haven't been using. I am going to join WW in a few weeks (as soon as my nephews are gone) I am really going to focus on making myself lose weight. I have felt fat and ugly lately and I need to get back into feeling like myself and feeling good and healthy again. I have been getting no sleep b/c I have sleep issues and haven't been able to take my ambien while ttc so I took it tonight and am taking it for awhile till I can actually start to get some good nights rest for once. I have been so tired lately it's been unbelievable. I also haven't been happy at my job lately, but have been staying there hoping I would get pregnant and then leave as I want to be a SAHM. Well since that's not going to happen anytime soon, I'm going to try to find a new job that I will enjoy. I know the economy isn't great right now, but there are certain things at my current job I'm dealing with that are just un-necessary.

Okay that turned into way to much about me. lol! I just think after focusing on ttc so much the past few years, being physically and emotionally stressed and tired it will be nice to take a break, relax some, and focus on me and my wonderful dh who I love so much!!!

It is depressing though how 7 months, six IUI's, 1 surgery and 6 grand or so later we have nothing to show for it :-( My mom says that maybe God has another plan for us, but I'm really not sure what that will be. I just can't imagine going through life and not being able to raise a child with my husband. We will be great parents and it's an experience I really want to be able to have one day.

Well off to ambien land right now I can tell my thoughts are getting jumbled. Thanks for listening to me ramble on........

1 comment:

Danse said...

I am so sorry it failed. ((Big hugs)) to you.

Although I don't think it looks like you need to lose 40lbs, kudos to you for focusing on yourself. You deserve it and it's not selfish at all. IF is a hard road to go down and I don't know anyone that's done it without it effecting them physically and emotionally.

Wishing you nothing but the best.