Thursday, August 13, 2009

Our last IUI failed...

Our sixth and last IUI failed. I am surprised with how well I am dealing with it. I figured since it was our last I would be really upset if it didn't work, but suprisingly i'm doing okay. I don't know if it's completely set it yet, i'm not sure, but I found out Wed night that it didn't work. We are not going to do IVF, atleast not in the near future. I can't afford the 15 grand a cycle to do it and we are not in debt now and I don't want to start parenthood in debt either. I think we may save up and go the adoption route. It may take a few years to save up for it, but we may do that.

Right now (I hope this doesn't sound selfish) I am going to focus on me some. Being on these fertility med's has messed me up some. I have gained a lot of weight I need to lose at least 40 pounds. I have been off differin for this whole ttc process so I would like to start using that on my skin as well. I have a dermatologist appt on 9/3 to discuss some stuff with them and get me back on some things I haven't been using. I am going to join WW in a few weeks (as soon as my nephews are gone) I am really going to focus on making myself lose weight. I have felt fat and ugly lately and I need to get back into feeling like myself and feeling good and healthy again. I have been getting no sleep b/c I have sleep issues and haven't been able to take my ambien while ttc so I took it tonight and am taking it for awhile till I can actually start to get some good nights rest for once. I have been so tired lately it's been unbelievable. I also haven't been happy at my job lately, but have been staying there hoping I would get pregnant and then leave as I want to be a SAHM. Well since that's not going to happen anytime soon, I'm going to try to find a new job that I will enjoy. I know the economy isn't great right now, but there are certain things at my current job I'm dealing with that are just un-necessary.

Okay that turned into way to much about me. lol! I just think after focusing on ttc so much the past few years, being physically and emotionally stressed and tired it will be nice to take a break, relax some, and focus on me and my wonderful dh who I love so much!!!

It is depressing though how 7 months, six IUI's, 1 surgery and 6 grand or so later we have nothing to show for it :-( My mom says that maybe God has another plan for us, but I'm really not sure what that will be. I just can't imagine going through life and not being able to raise a child with my husband. We will be great parents and it's an experience I really want to be able to have one day.

Well off to ambien land right now I can tell my thoughts are getting jumbled. Thanks for listening to me ramble on........

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Update

So I haven't posted in awhile. Things have been really busy here. My nephews are staying with us for almost a month and we had our last IUI the day after they arrived. The end of my tww is Friday! I'm nervous about the outcome as this will be our last IUI. We won't be continuing with fertility treatments after this. We have done 6 IUI's and my lap surgery this year and I am tired physically and emotionally. I just can't do it anymore. I pray to God that this one will work.

I haven't been really having any symptoms. I'm exhausted, but that's normal. I'm so glad my nephews have been here as it's making the tww a lot easier for me. I'm not dwelling and obsessing about it as much. lol!

I'll keep everyone updated either way. I have just been meaning to post and it's been getting put back on my list of stuff to do. Wish us luck! I know it's going to be so hard if it doesn't take this month, but if it does we will seriously feel blessed!