Sunday, September 20, 2009

I need to get going with all this, things have been so busy....

Still working on contacting agencies. I have numbers, but haven't had the time to call yet. I really need to get on that this week. I've also re-joined WW and am in my third week. I've lost a total of 7 pds so far. I'm still messing up and eating things I shouldn't, but am working on sticking with eating better. I've been working out some as well, which has been good. I figure if I'm not able to have a child right now while I'm going through this whole adoption thing i'm going to work on losing weight and getting myself back into shape. I need to do this for myself and my health.

I have part of Thursday off so I guess I'll have to do some of my calls then. I don't want to call from work and I don't get much of a lunch break so even if I go to my car and call on my cell I wouldn't have enough time to really talk to them. Some agencies you can go on there website and get information, but I am thinking it would be better to call them in person, talk to them, and then have them mail me the information.

I'm also going to order some adoption books online to read hopefully that will help me through this whole process a little as well.

The whole thing is just so overwhelming and so confusing....dh is in it with me which is wonderful. I feel good knowing that he is up for this whole thing as well, and he is very open to adopting any child, so that comforts me as well :-)

I'll post as soon as I get the ball rolling with this whole thing. Any thoughts and prayers would be appreciated! THANK YOU!!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Well Thursday will be spent contacting adoption agencies...

Called the Social Security office as a co-worker had adopted her two kids through them but from a different county. They told me all the did was fostering and most of it was short term, if I wanted to go the adoption route I would have to call an adoption agency :-(

They did give me about 3 names and numbers for local agencies to call. I have been trying to do research online for them, and then will call Thursday and see if they can send me some information. I'm just hoping some of them are reasonable in price. I have seen adoptions fee's go so high.

There is just so much information out there, it's overwhelming. We just finally got done paying all our medical bills from my surgery and the 6 IUI's we did. We wanted that to be behind us before moving on to the next step.

Oh and yet ANOTHER co-worker is pregnant. I'm so happy for her, but so sad for us (I know that sounds selfish, but I so want a child) I just hope this adoption thing works out so our dreams of raising a child can come true :-)

Friday, September 11, 2009

Moving on to something new :-)

Well it's been almost a month since my last post. We didn't have our luck with trying ourselves, we didn't have luck with fertility treatments so now we are looking towards adoption. And you know what? I'm actually looking pretty forward to it. I always told dh that even if we did have a child on our own, I would still love to adopt one day. Maybe this is just what God is meaning for us to do at this moment in our lives.

I have been doing some research online and am lucky enough that the new Dr. we hired at my work adopted two children from social services which is where we are going to try, so I know if I some questions I have some people to go to.

If anyone has any recommendations on books, websites, etc. or just any advice you can give me it would be really appreciated. I am hoping to talk to someone at social services dept next week to figure out what we need to do to get the ball rolling.

I know it can take a few years to get everything said and done, I just want to be as informed as I can about everything.

I just feel like we are finally going in the right direction again and I am really excited. There is nothing more I want then to have a Happy Family with my dh, our three furkids and a child to take care of. Life would be good!!!

Feel free to email me if you ever need to as well I'll put it up on my blog.

Happy Thoughts of Wonderful Things to Come :-)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Our last IUI failed...

Our sixth and last IUI failed. I am surprised with how well I am dealing with it. I figured since it was our last I would be really upset if it didn't work, but suprisingly i'm doing okay. I don't know if it's completely set it yet, i'm not sure, but I found out Wed night that it didn't work. We are not going to do IVF, atleast not in the near future. I can't afford the 15 grand a cycle to do it and we are not in debt now and I don't want to start parenthood in debt either. I think we may save up and go the adoption route. It may take a few years to save up for it, but we may do that.

Right now (I hope this doesn't sound selfish) I am going to focus on me some. Being on these fertility med's has messed me up some. I have gained a lot of weight I need to lose at least 40 pounds. I have been off differin for this whole ttc process so I would like to start using that on my skin as well. I have a dermatologist appt on 9/3 to discuss some stuff with them and get me back on some things I haven't been using. I am going to join WW in a few weeks (as soon as my nephews are gone) I am really going to focus on making myself lose weight. I have felt fat and ugly lately and I need to get back into feeling like myself and feeling good and healthy again. I have been getting no sleep b/c I have sleep issues and haven't been able to take my ambien while ttc so I took it tonight and am taking it for awhile till I can actually start to get some good nights rest for once. I have been so tired lately it's been unbelievable. I also haven't been happy at my job lately, but have been staying there hoping I would get pregnant and then leave as I want to be a SAHM. Well since that's not going to happen anytime soon, I'm going to try to find a new job that I will enjoy. I know the economy isn't great right now, but there are certain things at my current job I'm dealing with that are just un-necessary.

Okay that turned into way to much about me. lol! I just think after focusing on ttc so much the past few years, being physically and emotionally stressed and tired it will be nice to take a break, relax some, and focus on me and my wonderful dh who I love so much!!!

It is depressing though how 7 months, six IUI's, 1 surgery and 6 grand or so later we have nothing to show for it :-( My mom says that maybe God has another plan for us, but I'm really not sure what that will be. I just can't imagine going through life and not being able to raise a child with my husband. We will be great parents and it's an experience I really want to be able to have one day.

Well off to ambien land right now I can tell my thoughts are getting jumbled. Thanks for listening to me ramble on........

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Update

So I haven't posted in awhile. Things have been really busy here. My nephews are staying with us for almost a month and we had our last IUI the day after they arrived. The end of my tww is Friday! I'm nervous about the outcome as this will be our last IUI. We won't be continuing with fertility treatments after this. We have done 6 IUI's and my lap surgery this year and I am tired physically and emotionally. I just can't do it anymore. I pray to God that this one will work.

I haven't been really having any symptoms. I'm exhausted, but that's normal. I'm so glad my nephews have been here as it's making the tww a lot easier for me. I'm not dwelling and obsessing about it as much. lol!

I'll keep everyone updated either way. I have just been meaning to post and it's been getting put back on my list of stuff to do. Wish us luck! I know it's going to be so hard if it doesn't take this month, but if it does we will seriously feel blessed!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Don't know what I want to do right now....

We just had another failed cycle, they thought this one looked really promising, but I guess not :-(

I am torn b/t trying again, I said I would do 6 IUI's and that's it, if we did one more it would be #6 or if we should just start looking into adoption. I just want a child. I know what great parents we would be and it obviously isn't working out for us another way and if we hadn't been trying off and on for 8 years I would say give it more time, but I think it's been long enough.

I guess I'll start looking online for information on adoption. If anyone has any websites that would be helpful I would appreciate the information. I am going to think this weekend whether or not I really want to do another IUI cycle. This is just really hard to go through emotionally and physically and I don't know how much more I can take right now.

I may post more later, right now I am kinda numb and I just found out this morning so I am still taking it all in....

Saturday, July 11, 2009

I forget where I got this from but it's really cute....

You Might Be An Infertile If…

You Might be an Infertile: If you can think of something more, be sure to leave it in the comments. I’ve gotten so many more, I felt the need to post it again!

If somebody has ever asked you the date, and you said Day 21.

If you have ever counted 1, 2, 3 after sex, and thrown your ankles above your head for an absurd amount of time.

If you forget that the entire world doesn’t know what an HSG is.

If you have ever had to flip your pillow over because it is tear soaked.

If it has ever felt strange to not take your clothes off at a doctors appointment.

If you’ve had three people in a room look at your hoohaa and it not make you uncomfortable.

If you wake up and the first thing you reach for isn’t a cup of coffee but a thermometer.

If you circle the days you have sex on your planner.

If you have ever seen your internal organs on a plasma tv.

If you reach into your fridge and instead of getting milk you accidentally grab a hand full of needles, injection pens, or vials.

If the sound of an infant’s cry is the equivalent of pure torture.

If you’ve put your feet in stirrups more times than you’ve had sex in a week.

If you have ever tried the following to get pregnant: Getting completely intoxicated, sex in the back of car, smoked after sex, in every position created, with a condom on, drinking more V8 juice, propping your hips up, acupuncture.

If you’ve ever displayed a chart of your temperature, cervical position and mucus, and times you’ve had sex on your fridge.

If you’ve ever played the “I’ll be pregnant by then” game for longer than a year.

If you’ve ever been caught staring longingly at a pregnant woman’s belly.

If you’ve ever wondered if it would be considered a threesome if the two nurses in the room and yourself manage to get you pregnant.

If you have ever brought a turkey baster and egg whites into your bedroom.

If you have ever had to leave an event because it is a non negotiable nookie night.

If the most action you’ve seen in a while is the camera that closely resembles a vibrator your doctor’s office uses.

If you feel the need to check your underwear more times in an hour than Brad and Angelina have been photographed in the past year.

If you feel bad ass by simply drinking a caffeinated beverage.

If you’ve ever shot up in a bathroom stall and it was perfectly legal.

If you’ve ever had to come out of the closet, and you aren’t gay.

If you feel like you are constantly speaking in acronyms that nobody seems to understand.

If you find it perfectly normal to pee on a stick, insert it into a machine, and wait to be told if your husband is definitely going to get lucky that night.

If you have ever banned a sexual position and lubricant because it isn’t beneficial to baby making.

If hearing the words “baby dust” sends you into a raging tizzy.

If you avoid baby sections of department stores, baby showers, or infants in general.

If you have seen your doctor, shrink, and acupuncturist more than your girlfriends lately.

If you know more about your reproductive organs and the female body than all of your girlfriends combined.

If getting pregnant doesn’t technically need to involve sex.

If you have ever thrown a pregnancy test, and firmly believe that they are a ploy put out there by big business to make money.

If you have ever been placed on birth control to achieve pregnancy.

If you have put out more money for medications than vacations in the past year.

If you measure your life in two week increments. If you avoid alcohol, smoking, hot baths, hot tubs, saunas, and caffeine.

If you can’t remember life before prenatal vitamins.

You glare at parents who don’t truly appreciate their children, and scowl at the ones who complain.

You literally laugh at people who ask when you are going to have children.

With the money you’ve paid for fertility treatments you could have bought yourself a summer home in Fiji.

You actually hate one of your body parts.

You honestly believe that wearing white underwear or purchasing a pregnancy test will bring on your period.

If the most beautiful picture you have ever seen are your embryos.

You have no problems discussing cervical mucus, your period, sexual positions, or the color of whatever IT is that is leaking out of you.

If your husband has gotten some afternoon delight, and it wasn’t with you or in your bedroom.

If you actually know how thick your uterus is, how many sperm your husband has, or how many follicles you have.

If you find it a miracle that people actually mangage to get pregnant.

If you completely understand that just because you are pregnant doesn’t mean you will stay that way.

You have had to leave a movie theater or change the television station.

If you have ever yelled at Gray’s Anatomy or ER for completely misrepresenting the truth.

If you can’t remember the last time you bought condoms.

If your medical file is thicker than a Bible.

If you become obsessed with the numbers, your uterine lining, cells, sperm, embryos, follicles…

If you can’t fathom walking into a room and saying, “I’m pregnant honey. Surprise!”

If after giving birth you actually have survivor’s guilt.

If you have a degree from Google Med and an advanced degree from WebMD.

You’ve honestly considered buying a white lab coat and having your name monogramed on it, because you know nearly as much as your doctor.

If you refer to events in DPOs.

You’ve analyzed your saliva for patterns that would indicate you are ovulating.

You have ever wondered if you are actually having sex wrong.

You are on a first name basis with your pharmacist.

You worry that your doctor’s office will think you are neurotic, and you pace the floors while waiting for their phone call.

You have ever seriously considering punching somebody for telling you to relax, and would feel completely justified in doing so.

You have a stockpile of pregnancy tests from the dollar store, so you don’t feel guilty for wasting the more expensive ones.

If the word cycling has nothing to do with riding a bike.

If you could swear that anybody standing within a hundred feet could actually hear your biological clock ticking.

If you’ve ever volunteered to put medications in your hind end to achieve pregnancy.

If you’ve ever agrued with your spouse about which method you are going to use to try and get pregnant next.

If you’ve ever had to complete a yearly syphllis test.

If two weeks out of every month your spouse treats you like you are made of glass.

If people when people talk about their children you are reduced to tears.

If you’ve ever carried on a conversation with your ovaries or considered redocorating your uterus because someone told you it was inhospitable.

If you’ve ever called something a frosty and you weren’t at Wendy’s.

If you’ve ever considered hugging a pregnant woman just so a little bit of that *something* would rub off on you.

If birthdays are just one more reminder that you have one less year to cross the reproductive finish line.

If you’ve ever found youself yelling at your spell checker, because IUI and IVF are real abbreviations for some important procedures and damn the creator for not including them in their programming!

If you’ve ever envied another woman’s spouse not for his good looks and charm, but for his sperm count, motility, or morphology.

You’ve ever considered becoming an eight grade health teacher, because yours clearly had no clue what she was talking about.

Your birds and the bees discussion with your child reads more like a medical dissertation.

If you’ve ever been thankful for having a fat roll, as it makes injections more comfortable.

If you take more medication than your seventy year old grandmother.

Friday, July 3, 2009

IUI # 5 today :-)

Had my 5th IUI this morning. Things seems to have gone really well. Trying to stay positive but not keep my hopes up at the same time. Count was 63 million (our highest ever. I think the highest before that maybe 28 mill? Can't remember completely) Mobility was 98% we have had that in the 80's before so I thought that was great news as well :-)

Now the hard part the tww. Hope it goes by quickly and with a positive ending :-)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Everything seemed to look well this morning. The nurse was happy about how things are turning out. This cycle I have three mature follies and my lining is much better. Last time I had only one mature follie and my lining was on the thinner side.

I had my trigger shot done and my blood drawn. Then I went back home and back to sleep. It was way to early to get up. lol!

We are having our IUI tomorrow morning. The nurse seems hopeful, but I am trying to stay hopeful as well, but it's harder for me.

Hopefully tomorrow will go well and then I have to go to work afterwards from 12-5:30. Then this weekend is going to be full of house cleaning since we are having company for a week :-)

Please keep me in your thoughts if you can. Thanks!!!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Ultrasound and b/w tomorrow....

Have to be at the RE's at 7 to have my b/w and ultrasound done. Hopefully everything looks okay and I can trigger. When I was on Clomid it seemed every time I had my b/w ultrasound I would trigger that am and then have my IUI the next day. This is my second month of Femara and last month after my b/w ultrasound they had me wait the next day to trigger and had my IUI two days later.

I just hope that everything looks wonderful. I am so ready for my BFP. I am only doing one more IUI after this one so I hope that I get my BFP soon! We have family coming next week to visit and I have the week off but I am stressed about getting everything clean and ready around the house. Atleast having some of my family here will take my mind off some of the TWW.

And my cycle was really wierd last month. I bled for 1 1/2 days then didn't for two days then did for 1 1/2 days again then it was over. That never happens, wonder if it has anything to do with the new med's? I hate when my body does stuff like that. lol!

Well I'm going to try to get some sleep tonight and I'll update tomorrow.

Friday, June 26, 2009

So I've decided to revive this blog-

I've been gone awhile. I decided to go on a ttc hiatis for about a year after my miscarriage. We weren't not trying during that time, but we took a break from ttc with help from the reproductive endocrinologist. I just couldn't deal with everything at this time. I was so depressed from my miscarriage and needed time to heal...never thought I would need a year, but I guess that's what it took.

So this year we started TTC again with the help of our NEW Reproductive Endocrinologist.

Jan-Decided to go talk to the RE again-decided to try IUI again.
Feb-First IUI w/ clomid and ovidrul-BFN
March-Second IUI w/ clomid and ovidrul-BFN
April-Third IUI w/ clomid and ovidrul-BFN

May-After third consecutive IUI w/ BFN, the RE thinks Endometriosis may be the problem.
Set up Laparoscopic surgery. Have Lap in May and does find a small amount of endo, removes it does second HSG (had one back in '07) thankfully this time I was under anesthesia, I am never doing another HSG not under again.

June-Fourth IUI now w/ femera and ovidrul-BFN
July-???-Had b/w done yesterday and started my femera for this cycle. Having b/w and ultrasound done next Thursday July 2nd. Hopefully can have IUI done Friday (I'm hoping). Then we will see what this cycle will bring

I told them that we will only be doing two more IUI's (including this one) that's all I think I can emotionally take. It's too hard getting BFN's month after month. Plus the medical bills are racking up like crazy. Luckily we live off dh's paycheck and mine goes strictly to paying for medical bills or our savings acct. They suggested IVF as our next step, but right now we can't shell out the 10-15 grand per cycle to have it done and we don't like to have debt to pay we like to pay for things outright so right now it's just not in the cards :-(

So please pray that one of these next two cycles takes so we won't have to think about what to do next (though we are leaning towards adoption, just will have to save up for it)

Hopefully blogging about this again will help....